Monday, October 6, 2008

give me jesus.

I had the interesting experience this weekend of hearing a song and having it comfort me in a completely different way than it did the last time I can recall. Isn't it interesting how life often occurs in cycles like that? We visited a church on Sunday that... well, it wasn't great. However, this song that I'm referring to was sung and it was quite fitting for the time of year that it is. 

I'll just get right down to it. 5 years ago this weekend my brother's best friend died. An event that truly changed his and our entire family's lives forever. For the first time this anniversary of his death has felt like a lot of time has past. I was 15 and now I'm married. Crazy. Anyway, Scott and I sang a song called, Give Me Jesus at his funeral and that's the song they sang yesterday at this church. I was listening to the song later in the day, thinking about those days after Ryan died. Those were sad days, hard days. But what an extraordinary journey it has been and how faithfully present Jesus has been through it all. I praise God for the times that I can look back on my life and see His provisions along the way. 

Aside from Ryan, that song sang new words to me yesterday. The last couple of weeks have been hard for me. Feelings of loneliness have seemed somewhat overwhelming from time to time. To be honest, God has felt far away too. But in the words of that song I was reminded how Jesus is near every step of the way. There will be hard days. There are hard days. And I will keep going. Until one day I can look back and say the same thing I said above about how I'm feeling right now. God will provide. He always has. God will provide. He always has. 

In the morning when I rise, when I am alone, and when I come to die, give me Jesus.