There have, of course, been similar ones like this in my life. But for some reason this one just really grabbed my soul. It interfered with my marriage. It turned my emotional well-being upside down. And for a while I was angry. Quite angry, I think. The details are fairly unnecessary, but the basics of it are that Ryan and I found ourselves dealing with some circumstances that we didn't see coming 2.5 years ago when we uprooted our lives to move across the country. The worst part of it was not knowing what the next step was/is. So much uncertainty. And I don't know about you, but uncertainty of things to come is one of those things that makes my stomach do a flop. It makes me hold my breath. And one can only survive so long before taking another breath.
Several weeks ago (months maybe) this word began to fall on my heart. This word, wait. Over and over the word of waiting kept creeping it's way into my heart. And then life started to really crash in on us and there was this word. This silly word. I didn't like it much at the get go. Wait? What a terribly non reassuring word. I can't think of much that waiting is associated with positively. And in lieu of our situation it seemed like the last thing I wanted to do. But there it was.
As I began to look into this idea of waiting and really as the idea of it seemed to just come at me without much help at all, the beauty of waiting was made clear. So many people from the Bible waited on the Lord. And so many people were blessed beyond measure. The Lord is so faithful to me. Waiting feels like my testament of faithfulness to Him. So I wait in confidence. Not tapping my toe or straining my neck to see what's ahead of me, but waiting on what the Lord has in store with assurance that He will provide. He always does. I can't say it's easy. Or natural. But I'm doin' it. Because how many times has He waited for me?
In true Jesus style, we have been so immeasurably blessed throughout this crazy time of life. We were surrounded by true, dear friends in prayer. We were hugged and loved. And Ryan and I have taken huge steps as a married couple. Learning to be supporters of each other. Pushed to be vulnerable and open with each other. And mostly just seeking the Lord together.
We don't know what's next for us, but we will wait on the Lord and we will wait in confidence. There is beauty in waiting. Beauty indeed.
"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning." Psalm 130:5
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