for me.

It's been so long since I've written that they changed the interface of blogspot. Oops? That happens to me a lot. I buy products and take forever to use them, then go back to the store to buy it again months (or years) later and they've changed the packaging. I don't feel that bad about it. All in good time.

Lately, I've been thinking about God's voice and what it sounds like. And also what it doesn't sound like. One of the ways I feel God speak to me is through the wind. Often times I'll pray outside and many times the wind feels like it moves with me. Like as I speak to Jesus, He answers with a breeze. I like it. Have you ever felt that whisper that comes from Jesus? I don't think there's anything in this world like it. It takes my breath away. He always speaks in a whisper. Just for me.

And then there's the thing that's not God's voice. Ryan and I have had to identify this in our lives and recently found ourselves needing to do so more than once. The devil is tricky. It would be nice, I think, if his voice sounded like metal grinding together. Or even if it sounded real raspy and fire-breathing. That way we would know right away that we were being fooled! But alas, it does not. No. Instead it sounds a lot like me.

As I was trying to figure out ways we could save money if I worked less I kept coming back to how our quality of life just wouldn't be as good. And how realistically it just wouldn't work. Not without being miserable. And that if I'm honest with myself about the logistics of working part-time it just equals a lot of unhappiness. And do I really want to be unhappy? There was a point when that was just healthy counter-thinking. But then it turned to a really convincing place. And all at once I realized that all of that "logical" thinking was all just a bit of silliness, really. Because money doesn't make us happy. And the true reality of our circumstance is that Jesus has provided for our needs more times than I can count so why wouldn't He do that for us now? I felt so con-ed. I truly had this epiphany that said, "That sneaky devil just tried to convince me that I couldn't work part time to be with my son because of a reason that I came up with. He used me!" (I wish we could see our faces when we have these realizations. They're probably funny.)

I'm so glad that Jesus never lets us take credit for His voice. When I hear a word from the Lord, I never think it's my idea. When I hear Jesus say, "You'll be taken care of." That never feels like something of my own accord. It feels Holy and quiet and just for me.

So this is me telling the Devil that I found him out. I see his tricky game and I say back that My Jesus is greater. His love is stronger. And he will take of us.