some truth.

Who's up for a trip back to africa? Just thought of it today and want to go back. So I thought I'd post a picture. Anyway....

I think I've always been a little grown-up for my age. Being the youngest gives me certain advantages that the other kids didn't have and one of those is a perspective of life that is a little... wiser maybe or more long-term than others my age. Anyway, sometimes I go through things I've written and other miscellaneous items and I'm always amazed at some of the things I have said. And I find it so interesting that I find these things when I need them the most and it always catches me off guard. 

In the last couple years of high school I wrestled a lot with my spirituality and my religion. This crazy boy in my life challenged a lot of things that I accepted as truth for all my years. Everyone goes through this stage of life. The transition between your knowing your parent's truths and finding your own. So after months and maybe years of sorting these feelings out I decided that I wanted to write down what I believed. I wanted to be able to form complete, concrete thoughts about all the things I believed in. The reason I'm bringing this up now is because I just found the file on my computer and it was really good for me to read it again. If you're ever lookin for a bit of a challenge I'd encourage you to write down what you believe. It's harder than you think. 

I thought I'd share a couple of the things I found. Because... that's what we do. We share with each other. So here you go. 

I believe that God is the one, true Savior. He died because of His passionate, intense love for His people, He was the ultimate sacrifice for our sin and remains that sacrifice today. I believe that while on earth, Jesus’ main goal was to love all people, regardless of who they were. This love also set an example for all followers to come. Our deepest mission is to Love each other.

In a generation and movement that are so focused on love I believe that there are some things missing. I think the general mission of being able to love everyone around us and accept everyone is an excellent one, but love without God is empty. As Christians we are to love like Jesus did and in that love we give God the credit, the glory. Too many times people leave out God when He should be the goal. Love alone does not bring a world together in Christ, Love through God does. 

I believe in forgiveness. I believe that God desires for us to come to Him with everything, unashamed. God can give us new life and when we come to Him with our crap He can take it all away. However, I believe that along with God’s forgiveness there has to be restoration. We have to allow ourselves to be healed and work to grow from our past. Forgiveness can only truly begin to take shape in our lives if we allow it to transform us to become the people God made us to be.

I am a Christian. I claim Christianity not as a group of people with restrictions and a precise set of beliefs, but as one that is focused on becoming more and more like Christ. To be a Christian is to live like Jesus lived. I love what Rob Bell says, “Christian is a great noun, but a terrible adjective.”  I want my actions to reflect those of Christ’s. It would be truly incredible if Christianity could be transformed to look more like Christ and less like… it is now. 

The last one seemed to call out to me this week because sometimes I think I avoid the label of Christian at risk of people to thinking I'm some sort of crazy person all tied up in religion. But then to never claim that I am Christian - that is, a Christ-follower - I run the risk of living my whole life without people knowing that I do what I do and I am what I am because of my Savior's deep, deep love for me. You know? 

It was good to hear my 2006-self say those words. It gave me a sense of renewal and I appreciate that. 

life after resurrection.

I love Easter. I think I say that about a lot of things and perhaps a lot of holidays, but I'm going to go ahead and say it again -- I love Easter! It's a weird sort of love though. Maybe more of a love-hate. Because it is sort of hard to love the betrayal and the crucifixion. I'm always so moved by this time of year, but for some reason this year it really consumed my spirit. My heart has been heavy the last two weeks thinking about Jesus' horribly painful death. 

If someone close to you at all has ever died you know the feelings of sorrow and grief that accompany the days after the event. For some reason this year more than any other those feelings overwhelmed me. And all at once I found myself wanting to prevent the events about to be observed, wishing that it didn't have to be the way it was. Even as Easter Sunday grew closer and the hope of His resurrection was in sight it still didn't feel like enough. I started to think about how I would feel in those days after Jesus' death. So consumed with this grief and shame, but then all at once He comes back! What would that have been like to process? Talk about a roller coaster of emotions. I'm not sure I could have been fully present a celebration of His resurrection just 3 days after He died. You know what I mean? But maybe I could have. Maybe that was a part of the glory of it all.

Nevertheless, while trying to sort all of this out in my heart I came upon a fairly simple yet redeeming idea or thought: there is life after the resurrection. I think more times than not the emphasis is on the life after death, but I'm talking about life after the resurrection and Jesus called us to take part in that life. It isn't just that after He died He rose again, but that after He rose again He still lives! And like the song says, "Because He lives I can face tomorrow." We're not meant to dwell in the dark days of holy week all year long although it is important that we recall their significance. 

After Jesus rose from the dead He charged Peter with the words, "If you love me, feed my sheep." That makes my heart pound harder, but the point is Jesus didn't ask Peter or anyone He met to recount over and over His betrayal and death. Instead, He charged each person He encountered to keep on living, to keep going and being the people that He created them to be! Disciples, teachers, bringers of truth, lovers, friends. And I want to be a part of it. 

And maybe that was obvious, but I'm okay with it. 

(Was all of that really scattered? Never can tell. )

for kathy.

This is going to be some coffee shop talk again. But hopefully worthwhile. I have worked at The Flying M for 2 years. In that 2 years I have met many, many people. Some good and some bad. And it's such a strange thing - these meetings - because they're so seemingly impersonal and fleeting and yet we become a part of each other's lives. I see relationships begin, I see them end, I meet families both separately and together, I watch hair grow and then get cut,  I see pregnancy both announced and progress, the list could probably go on and on. The point is, I witness so much of people's lives so passively. 

And that brings me to this. Last week one of our customers passed away. Her name was Kathy. And probably if you live in Nampa, you knew her or at least of her. When Flying M first met her we only knew her as "Jesus Lady." I'll explain, Kathy truly did love Jesus. In fact, she made sure that everyone she encountered knew about it. She always had shirts on that she had added on to say something about Jesus or a verse of some kind. Her forte, was crocheting. She crocheted these tiny little dolls and crosses and then just left them here and there for people. Sometimes she made them special for people. She was strange, but fairly unforgettable. A regular for sure. Everyday, sometimes twice a day she ordered a small coffee and a cookie. Everyday. And everyday she would look over the top of her glasses and say thank you always with a look on her face that said, "You kids." She walked everywhere because she had epilepsy. There was also some rumor about her skills in skateboarding, but I never got to witness that. She died of a seizure and - to be honest- life is better for Kathy in Heaven. (I know, I know this obvious). 

I'm sorry to ramble, but it's just been on my mind for a while. It's just so strange to lose a customer. Because I feel the loss, but I was such a passive part of her life that it's hard to know what to feel. I realize I don't need permission to feel anything, but its complex. Part of me wanted to write this blog to honor Kathy with some words because I'm fairly certain that her life was lived quietly and mostly unrecognized. I'm glad that I met Kathy. As not into crazy-about-Jesus-gonna-make-sure-you-know-it people I am, I truly believed that Kathy served the Lord whole heartedly. I hope she made Him a tiny little crocheted doll. She really is livin the dream.

So, here's to you Kathy. And life goes on for us at the M. But certainly we won't forget. Just somethin' to think about.